5 tips to navigate difficult family relationships during the holidays

The holiday season is often portrayed as a cheerful time filled with family gatherings, delicious food, and festive decorations. However, for many women, this time of year can trigger painful memories and emotions associated with past trauma. It can be particularly challenging because of the added pressure to participate in family functions and put on a “happy face” despite the history of emotional trauma or complicated family dynamics.

Whether it be a difficult family situation or a personal experience of trauma, the holiday season can be a challenging time, but you don’t have to go through the same negative, harmful cycles with your family. With the right strategies and mindset, you can successfully navigate the holiday season.

Tips from a trauma therapist to help Women of Color successfully navigate complicated family relationships during the holidays

Set realistic expectations

Dealing with difficult family members can be a challenging and stressful experience. It can be especially difficult when you feel like you don't know how to manage their behavior. In these situations, it can be helpful to set realistic expectations for yourself and for your family members.

One important thing to keep in mind is that you can't control another person's behavior. While you can communicate your feelings and needs- ultimately, it's up to them to decide how they want to behave. This can be frustrating, but it's important to understand what is outside of your control and what is not your responsibility to manage. 

Set Boundaries

When dealing with difficult family members, setting boundaries can be a crucial step towards maintaining your mental and emotional well-being. It is important to remember that you have the right to prioritize your own needs and feelings, even if it means disappointing or upsetting others. This can be tough to do at first, but with practice you can learn to prioritize your needs and feelings.

One way to set boundaries is to clearly express how you feel and what you need from your family members. Make sure that you are specific about what behaviors are unacceptable and the consequences that will result if the boundaries are crossed. If your boundaries are not respected, you may need to limit your time with certain family members to protect your peace.

Remember to keep in mind that setting boundaries is not a “one and done” type of thing. Boundaries grow, develop, and need to be evaluated to determine whether they need to change. Give yourself the time and space to practice enforcing your boundaries and the permission to adjust your boundaries as needed. 

Practice self-care

The holiday season can be mentally and emotionally draining, especially when you have strained family relationships. It is important to take care of yourself and participate in activities that are nourishing to your mind, body, and spirit. It can be as simple as getting enough sleep, practicing mindfulness, exercising, or treating yourself to something special. It doesn’t matter what the activity is as long as you are consistent with your self-care routine.

Self-care can also mean saying “no” to attending family functions. If you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed or stressed thinking about attending a family function, it may be best to pass on the event. Trust your instincts. Your well-being matters and you deserve to be around people that respect and encourage your needs and desires.  

Reach out to your support system

It is important to know that you are not alone! It is helpful to reach out to friends and supportive family members for support and guidance. These important people can help walk you through difficult situations if you give them the opportunity to support you.

Although these individuals may not be related to you by blood, you can create a chosen family. You may want to consider creating new traditions with these loved ones. It can give you something to look forward to by spending the holidays with people that are supportive of your well-being.

Meet with a licensed therapist

The holiday season can bring up all sorts of feelings and it can be helpful to talk about it with a professional. Your feelings are valid and what you have experienced can make it hard to move forward. Working with a licensed therapist can give you an unbiased space to resolve negative childhood experiences that impact your life today. It can also be a place where you can get clearer about what you need and learn how to set boundaries with your family.

You deserve to enjoy the holiday season too!

Don't let guilt or obligation force you into uncomfortable situations. You deserve to enjoy the holidays just as much as anyone else, and that might mean making some tough decisions about how you spend your time and with who. Just know that dealing with these types of relationships is tough, but through practice you can work towards advocating for yourself and your needs!

Need help addressing past trauma triggered by the holiday season?

Online therapy in California can help you address past trauma and heal. You don’t have to continue to struggle managing your family situation alone. Trauma therapy can give you the tools that you need to cope with what you have experienced, prioritize your needs and wellness, and resolve painful experiences. You can participate in traditional talk therapy or EMDR Therapy to shift your perspective and create positive changes in your life. Through therapy you can learn what it means to experience true freedom from the struggles of the past.

If you are a Woman of Color in California that is wondering what it would look like to start your healing journey and step out of the cycles of chaos with your family, reach out to schedule a consultation. I would love to talk with you about how you can learn to show up authentically in relationships and set boundaries without feeling guilty.

Not looking for trauma therapy. I offer a variety of counseling services for professional Women of Color and helping professionals. I specialize in helping women get a handle of anxiety and perfectionism, resist shrinking themselves to make others comfortable, and overcome negative experiences so they can be their best selves. All these services are available online throughout the state of California around your busy schedule. Schedule a consultation today.